How to Change

Internalization means making things your responsibility

Even if the consequence of a situation is not your fault, you can learn from the event by making it your responsibility. This is what Adam calls internalization.

Too many of us blame others for our shortcomings. I flunked because the teachers sucks. We lost because our coach screwed up. I’m fat because of McDonald’s. You get the idea…

What Adam suggests is recognizing that some things do suck, but owning the experience helps us to avoid making similar mistakes in the future. Through internalization, we can make sense of the bad experiences that may come our way through no fault of our own.

It has been said the becoming a victim of circumstance may not be your fault. But staying a victim is.

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Some people deny that their problems exist in the first place. And because they deny reality, they must constantly delude or distract themselves from reality. This may make them feel good in the short term, but it leads to a life of insecurity, neuroticism, and emotional repression.

Some choose to believe that there is nothing they can do to solve their problems even when they in fact they could. Victims seek to blame others for their problems or outside circumstances. This may make them feel good in the short term, but it leads them to a life of anger, helplessness and despair.

Mark Manson
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (New York: Harper Audio, 2016)